"theres a river of life flowin' out of me, makes the lame to walk and the blind to see.. open prison door set the captive free. oh theres a river of life flowin' out of me"

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!”

-Jack Kerouac.

Isn't it beautiful??

ah crap, so i've posted three times today alone.. and deleted them all. my bad.
I don't want to share anything except something strange that happened today.

When catching the train into the city this morning, Sarah and I sat next to a boy whome we struck up a shallow convosation with. I don't know why but my heart went out to him and I held back tears that whole train trip, thinking about him. Sarah was scrolling through his ipod and it reminded me of my train trips with Sean on the train home from Hawthorn. It caught my eye, all the cuts and slits on the boys wrists and in my mind, there was Sean. That boy stared at me and all I saw was desperation in his eyes. I couldn't do anything but we said that we would pray for him as we left the train.

God pretty much places people so blatenly obvious in my path. people with problems and issues and a lack of love for their lives...

GOD! FREAK! USE ME!!!



CLICK THIS BANNER AND READ THIS STORY! It is a simple story of one girl who needed saving and was lucky enough to find a group of people that cared to help. If you have love to give do not be scared to venture into darkness to find those who are lost. Especially us Christians. Christ came to heal the broken, the poor, the lost. Put your trust in the Lord and he will give you his strength. If you consider yourself saved know that you were once in this same darkness and someone came to you. You deserve it absolutely no more than anyone else. Don't sit idle and be content with reaping the benefits of Christ's death without having a heart for the broken.

I've been thinking about what Mark said the other day, about the cockroaches and moths..
It got me thinking about how, if you know a lot of moths, they are in your life because God wants that to be the area you are reaching out to.
I think about it, and I realise that about 80% of my friends and the people I meet are moths, either blatenly obvious.. or below their cockroach shells.
I'm cuious...

is there anyone else with thoughts on this?

where to start.
BEST NEWS
I have been praying for someone to move into the community house, seeing that one of the guys had moved out and the others were looking for someone to take the spare room (mainly so the rent was cheeper). So I have and we have been praying and talking to a few people, in the mean time my brother was winging that he was wanting to move out and after a couple of weeks of "stop winging, be happy" God pointed out that my prayers and my brothers wishes were actually linked! (ok so i was a little slow!)
So Sunday my brother moved into his new place and suddenly the community had not only a new member, BUT it is my own blood!
See the goodness from this is, my brother, like the rest of my family, were raised in a Christian home. When he was 19 he desided that he didn't want to take part in church or have any involvment in religion. And I have been praying for as long as I can remember for God to help me help him, but for him to find christian friends that would be a great influence on him. Now his not only making friends with my community, but his hanging with Christians his own age, who are amazing people... and his seeing that.
So THANK GOD! is all I can say.. so many prayers being answered.. God is truely incredible!

mmm I don't really remember the point of my blog.
I've been doing fellowship with Kerryn and I have felt more like a councelor which I guess in someways it is good, she has opened up to me that I don't think there is one thing she is hiding. I was baby sitting Derian, her son, the other night while she went out for dinner with her boyfriend, my brother, his finace; Kez, (which is Kerryn's boyfriend's sister). Spending time with him was precious and an honour! that not only does she trust me but trusts me enough to put the safety of her son into my hands.

Jordan leaves today.
And we went and played chess in the state library. what a beautiful day.

Dinner with friends is best....

Where has this year gone?

While writting my speech the other day, I was listening to old mix cd's that I had made back in junior high, one of the songs was by Baz Luhrmann called "Everybody's Free" while listening to it there was a line that really caught my attention.. actually a few.

"Get to know your parents, you never know

when they’ll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go,
but for the precious few you should hold on."

It's that line about your siblings that gets me...
and it makes me think about my brother and sisters through Christ. How desperatly we need them to be the Christians God intended us to be.
It slightly amuses me I guess...

I can't remember that last time I prayed so desperatly!
I feel so alive like I swallowed more life or something...

God is good... and his about to unleash Heaven!


Sarah Blue amazes me.

I worked out whats wrong with me

Today I asked myself,
what is one thing I want REALLLY bad right now.
and the answer was a hug.

I need a hug so badly.

I use to be such a hugging and huggable person.. but I feel like i'm pushing that away. I don't like to touch people anymore, because i'm not sure I'm allowed to. My best friend, Joe, and I use to hang out and cuddle and hold hands. neither of us thought of each other in a romantic way and only saw it as a friendship where we really appreciated each other and really liked sharing how we felt, which was respect and love as friends. Then Joe started dating this girl, Bec, and she took my place and saw how Joe and I acted and told Joe that I do all that stuff because I like him. So Joe and I stopped doing that stuff, stopped hugging, stopped hanging out.. because my actions appeared wrong.
So in time, I stopped myself from being like that with everyone. Becuase i'm tired of being judged and viewed wrongly.. and to be honest, I don't know and don't see how far is to far... I don't know if thats bad, but I think it is.
So I don't have any physical contact with anyone and tried to avoid physical contact with people (except mainly with girls because they are not getting the wrong idea)

I am craving a hug but
I'm afraid i've forgotten how to hug :(

Wasting your own time on my wasted time

I'm sitting in a small Brunswick cafe with my pencils, drawing pad, latte and laptop which I just discovered has wireless internet and so here I sit writing a sentence every few minutes between gazing out the window and unconsciously watching the school kids file in ordering extra strong macchiatos and hedge hog slices.

I'm slightly puzzled by these cafes at which the outdoor chairs are arranged in the style of a cinema. I guess it prevents arguments about just who gets to see the people walking by. I do fall into this "watching strangers" category. I'm not a freak, I swear.. I just find interest in the way people walk and talk. Although maybe I am a freak because I find myself, at the end of the day, with a sketchbook full of half drawn figures looking like they are in deep conversations. It is strange, I can look at a picture and remember exactly why I drew that person and what drew me to them.

There is this lady on the table next to me, who is reading a book that I left here last Tuesday. It is a beautiful book called 'Captivating' by John and Stasi Eldredge. I only came in to pick up the book but finding her reading it made me sit down and wait for her to leave.. Something inside me is making me want her to take the book and share it with her friends who will experience the beauty that book talks so honestly about. Yet I haven’t finished the book and I don't think mum would want me to give away a book that I brought for her birthday... yet it is so easily replaced.. I wonder how much a new book costs?

I've started lurking Deviantart again and catching up with artists and photographers from around the world. A boy, I made friends with a few years ago, is from Latvia and had been doing some interesting takes on new religions and idols that our society seems to worship. If you don't know already, I've started to take a turn and head towards ala natural. My family are vegan and I have decided to become vegan as well and I have decided that I don't want consume anything from Nestle or Schweppes (which is hard because they make EVERYTHING). why? because 1. I don't need it and 2. Because fare-trade is the way to go!

This! amused me:

anyways the cafe is starting to pack up and im still daydreaming.
So here is Gemma with an unusual entry, signing off.

Our focus as a society feeds on beauty. It has become a goal and obsession. as girls we entangle ouselves in the latest fashion trends and the smallest sizes. however deep down what we really want is to be loved, feel loved. we're brought into the lie that looking beautiful will make us happier and bring us fulfilling love. but what we really need is the unconditional love of Jesus. He is the one who makes us beautiful, the one who paid the price for out beauty and we need to ourselves as he sees us. it's not as much about what we do or how we look, but who we are... and we are the beloved.
Beloved because you look more beautiful than his eyes...