i'm unhearted

Ah i'm crap!
ooo feels so good to say that!
Christmas is a load of crap, apart from all the Jesus stuff (WHICH IS THE REAL MEANING) all this present giving and family stuff is just crap. crap crap crap crap crap!
I mean, come on! I see my relo's and share a meal with them ONCE A YEAR! I should be doing this all the time.
Christmas is overrated! next year I'm going to fast in prayer.. and im going to make my whole family do it. and all money is going to charity.. I spent about $500 on shitty presents. $500 saves peoples lives. WHATS WRONG WITH ME! WHATS WRONG WITH THE WORLD!?!?


YITS HAS RUINED ME!!! IM A CYNIC!!!

I need to see my generationg change.



let life begin!

People are always straining their ears to hear what God is saying to them.
do you realise that God is talking to you ALWAYS?
when you have a conversation with someone.. listen carefully to their words, thats God.
when you are walking along on your own and a thought comes into you head that gives you a good feeling... thats God as well...

do you get it?
God's voice is loud enough to here... it's constantly there..... you just have to open you eyes,ears,heart,mind,body and soul.


thats all

I'm trying to find my feet....















God.Help.Me.

Over it.
Over this.


I just want pure silence. Tomorrow I'm going on a silent retreat with God.
I'm turning off my phone, putting the music away... I just want God and I. just that.
No more YITS people for a while... there is no novelty in seeing everyone if I see them every few days. It's not you, it's me...


and don't reply to this...
im tired and grumpy.

In the heart of your deepest heart....

I hope that you had the same reaction to this image as I did. It's the strange mix of emotions... the feeling of pain, because she looks in pain, the feeling of sadness, that she has to go through this.. and the strange feeling of love that the lady is giving this girl...
It's a photo of a girl in Iraq... I don't know the story, but seeing photos like this,
is the reason why I am a photographer...

Some photos are very difficult to look at.

This is one of them. Imagine being there.

Wait.

That's the job of the photographer ...

to put someone else in his/her shoes and feel what they felt.

amaze

"You never saw him, yet you love him.
You still don't see him, yet you trust him—with laughter and singing.
Because you kept on believing,
you'll get what you're looking forward to: total salvation. "

Men

(note: Im pretty much living by this, I don't just see these things as a fantasy, I see them as a thing that every man should strive for.)
oh and if you know someone like this, can you pass on my number?

ok, It has taken me a few years to come up with this list.
here we go:

My perfect man:

Core Values:
-integrity
-honesty
-authenticity
-purity
-humility
-strength
-reliance

A man of Purity
A man of integrity
A man of honesty
A man that knows the Lord
a strong leader
a reponsible man
an authentic man
a financially stable man
an encouraging man
a reliable man
an intelligent man
an original man
a man of prayer
A man of the Word
a humble man
a loving man
a fearless warrior
a good father
a hard worker
a shepard
a kind nurturer
a good cook
a dignified man
an honarable man
a man to look up to

Trip down to mornington

HI!
I have nothing to day but I brought The Breakfast Club the other day, and everytime I desire to watch it.. I'm going to go sit in my room and cry.. or read the bible and pray, like I want to.
anyways

dinner was bake beans tonight and im sure I am about to feel sick in about 10 minutes from spooning dynomite into my guts for the past 30 minutes :(

Television = drug of the nation

I'm in Deb's house.. if thats what you call it! well I'll refer to it as a 'home' because 'house' doesn't do it justice. anyways moving on.
fasting from TV is EXTREMELY hard, everywhere you go there is a tv, and i'm not saying "the devil is tempting me" it's more like, THERE IS A LOT OF TV'S IN THIS WORLD! John Logie Baird you must be filthy rich!

Last night I realised that I need to fast.
I've never fasted on my own terms, normally for church.
But it was pretty clear that, in order to leave room to move and answer, I have to fast.
not food, but I'm fasting TV.
So the next 3 weeks I won't be watching any OC, Neighbors, News,Movies etc...
I think this is the best idea ever.
but it is going to be so freaking hard :(

if your hands are dirty, get them dirtier!

If there is one thing you'll learn from me, is, stop being afraid.
Stop talking yourself out of things
Stop worrying what a stranger thinks
Stop being something your not.
Stop pretending you don't care
Stop taking things personal.
Stop trying to keep your self image "cool"

Because NONE of those things help people know about the KOG.
Screw how you feel, screw how you look or talk.
(what did you say? "you gotta talk the talk and walk their walk to communicate?" BS!)
Be yourself and thats who you will attract.. people like you.
Don't be a prep trying to convert a punk.
IT WILL PROBABLY NOT HAPPEN!

get it?

Weddings and blessing

"Your name brings life, it's more then the air I breathe"
Can I think of a more beautiful way of telling God how much he means to me.
Suddenly everything lately seems to mean so much.. the words in the bible, the words of my pastor, the words from within people... suddenly everything has meaning and depth. Things just don't sit on the surface anymore.. they sink in.

I watched my brother marry the love of his life. They asked me to do a reading from Proverbs, and as I stood in front of them and read those verses, it occured to me.. God is using me to share his words with them. I could almost feel God repeating the words to me to say to them.

beautiful.
anyway.



I present to you, Mr and Mrs Lee

I close my eyes, and then I slowly release the darkness and embrace the light.. i think it's called a blink?

I gave in to Amy's requests and went to work at six yesterday morning to cover for my Mexican, metal-head friend, Darren. I'm usually off Saturday mornings, but it got me out of bed and the few hours I spent there will add an extra sixty bucks to my paycheck next week. I'm amazed sometimes at how little I actually work at work. Today I got to hang in the merch office and I discovered that if you make a photocopy, cover it with even strips of scotch tape, then slowly peel back the copy, a grainy image will be left on the tape, which you can adhere to anything you please. So, I copied some pictures of Gabriel Garcia Marquez and taped them in my journal along with some drawings and random, distressing words clipped from an insurance company's fax. The images have a ghostly, urgent look that I'm really happy with. After that, I took the words "Death and Dismemberment" from the fax and stuck them onto a frame that held a picture of Gino's girlfriend. The frame was engraved with "Love is..." followed by a string of sentimental adjectives. Seeing that he's a dark and morbid type, I thought he'd enjoy my addition. I got back from work and watched Donnie Darko, which I hadn't seen in a year or so. I love that movie, but I was surprised (well, not really) by how artificial Drew Barrymore seems in her role. However, I've been repeating "Cellar Door" in my head endlessly for the last few hours. It really is a beautiful phrase.

You people are beautiful....
Im not afraid of YITS being over. the adventures of next year and eagerly waiting to be released from the box i had been keeping them in...

Jesus is a passion, a real life passion.. im not just saying that.. im living it, feeling it, believing it!

"If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand."

"theres a river of life flowin' out of me, makes the lame to walk and the blind to see.. open prison door set the captive free. oh theres a river of life flowin' out of me"

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!”

-Jack Kerouac.

Isn't it beautiful??

ah crap, so i've posted three times today alone.. and deleted them all. my bad.
I don't want to share anything except something strange that happened today.

When catching the train into the city this morning, Sarah and I sat next to a boy whome we struck up a shallow convosation with. I don't know why but my heart went out to him and I held back tears that whole train trip, thinking about him. Sarah was scrolling through his ipod and it reminded me of my train trips with Sean on the train home from Hawthorn. It caught my eye, all the cuts and slits on the boys wrists and in my mind, there was Sean. That boy stared at me and all I saw was desperation in his eyes. I couldn't do anything but we said that we would pray for him as we left the train.

God pretty much places people so blatenly obvious in my path. people with problems and issues and a lack of love for their lives...

GOD! FREAK! USE ME!!!



CLICK THIS BANNER AND READ THIS STORY! It is a simple story of one girl who needed saving and was lucky enough to find a group of people that cared to help. If you have love to give do not be scared to venture into darkness to find those who are lost. Especially us Christians. Christ came to heal the broken, the poor, the lost. Put your trust in the Lord and he will give you his strength. If you consider yourself saved know that you were once in this same darkness and someone came to you. You deserve it absolutely no more than anyone else. Don't sit idle and be content with reaping the benefits of Christ's death without having a heart for the broken.

I've been thinking about what Mark said the other day, about the cockroaches and moths..
It got me thinking about how, if you know a lot of moths, they are in your life because God wants that to be the area you are reaching out to.
I think about it, and I realise that about 80% of my friends and the people I meet are moths, either blatenly obvious.. or below their cockroach shells.
I'm cuious...

is there anyone else with thoughts on this?